tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
