And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
