i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
