I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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