apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
