My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
