just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
