Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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