I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
