Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
