we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
