glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just invented taco cereal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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