Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
