gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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