Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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