I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
