you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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