can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
