She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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