So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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