There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
