New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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