I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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