its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
