So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sarcasm needs its own font
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
