I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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