I must be too annoying 4 u.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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