dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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