I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
