This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
