So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
