Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
