If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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