i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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