so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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