Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
