i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
