was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
