I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
