Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize