Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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