I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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