Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize