If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize