You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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