Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
