Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
