Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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