Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
