i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
