i barfeds in our rink
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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