What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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