Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
