She just used a chaser for red wine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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