My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize