Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
