I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
