My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
