When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
