i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
