Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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