apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
