You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
