i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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