were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
