with your own penis?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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