you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
