The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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