I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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