You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
