I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
