Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
