I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
