I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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