Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
