Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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