I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
