I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
