omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
