The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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