I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
