In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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