he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
