Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
