Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
