So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
